A Lost Memory
by NovemberSnowflakes
Summary: Feliciano Vargas was only a broken soul. His father beat him and his brother refused to leave with him. His entire existence seemed bleak, until he meets a boy named Roman who shows him the meaning of hope. Roman soon disappears and Feli wipes him from memory to cope with the pain. Until he meets Ludwig, a man quite similar to the person he forgot. Angst, Hurt, and Heartbreak ensue
1. Making Plans

"Feliciano!", His father called from the doorway, in a panicked, angry tone.  
No... he was tired, beaten, but he would not turn back obediently as he always had. He used to be like a puppy. He was innocent, energetic, pure, trusting, and playful. What was he now? Angry, hurt, scared, violent, and desperate as if the owner had beaten the puppy that he was. This was the results of years of torture. He loved his father, enough so that he had dealt with this for a long time. His chestnut, almost auburn, hair was messy and dirty. It stuck to his face with sweat and blood. Scars were all over his body, a fresh wound on his cheek. His eyes were bleak, they barely showed the light-hearted innocence they once reflected. He had to break free from this.. this... torture. He ran as fast as he could, down the street, around the corner, running to who knew where. Just as long as it was anywhere but back there, with his captor, his father. He hid in an alley way about 2 blocks away from his house, hoping, praying his father would not find him. He needed to catch his breath. He leaned against a brick wall, exhausted. The alley was quiet. He slid slowly down the wall, putting his hands up to his face, covering it. What would become of him once his father caught him.

"Are you okay?"  
Startled, Feliciano looked up with wide eyes. There was a boy about his age, maybe a year older, standing there, right in front of him. He looked straight into the boy's eyes. A deep ocean blue, with a lighter color underlining it, mesmerizing him.

"Are.. you.. okay?", the boy repeated, more slowly, probably shocked by the cuts now visible on Feliciano's face. Sunlight filtered through the alley way onto the boy in front of him. His light blonde hair seemed to glow as it reflected the sun.

Still shocked, he barely made a sound as he struggled to find how to reply. He did not know the answer himself. The boy looked bewildered at his appearance, his lack of words, as if he had never seen someone who looked as pained as Feliciano was now.

"Feliciano!" A scream of rage broke the silence of their stare.

"Hurry... come with me... that man... he is scary.", the boy held out his hand.  
Feliciano was in a daze, the adrenaline still rushing to his head. Instinct took over and he grabbed this boy's hand. For now he would be safer with this stranger than with his own father. The boy dragged him down to the end of the alley way, where they entered a yard surrounded by a clean, white fence. The boy ushered Feliciano up a ladder into a tall, large, sturdy, tree and into what seemed to be a clubhouse of some sort.

The inside was pretty impressive. It was painted a light brown, the windowsill was a cream color, and curtains two shades darker than the color of wall were neatly pulled to its side. There was a dark wooden desk, cluttered with sketches and writing utensils right beside the window. In fact the whole place seemed to be filled with art supplies. A few cans of paint, water-color pencils, and fine brushes were held on a neat shelf along side some canvases and a sleeping bag stuck between the shelves and the wall. There was a stool in front of an easel, next to it a telescope. surrounding the place was a sort of tiny, wrap-around, deck. On the deck was a pulley system, so things could be easily transported to the clubhouse. The place was very cozy, as if it were a warm little cottage, only in a tree. It even had some pots and pans hung over a portable, electric counter stove-top. Feliciano backed into a corner, where he supported himself on a sturdy wall, panting. The boy was standing at the window, the palm of his hand pressed hard against the windowsill. An exasperated and concerned look on his face barely peeked through the opening before he sighed. His face was slightly red and he panted a little too. He turned to Feliciano, staring at him intensely. He was wearing a black sweatshirt, faded jeans and some shiny black boots. His blonde hair was well kempt and he had a serious look about him, especially for his young age. Feliciano stared back and suddenly realized how he must look in contrast, he was wearing a dark green t-shirt and tattered sweatpants, a white apron with a large bow in the back was hugging his waist. His hair was messy, his brown boots dirty, his faced caked with blood and sweat.  
The other boy did not seem to notice this much though, and took a seat on a stool at the opposite side of the room. An intense atmosphere surrounded them. Although the other boy had caught his breath, he still had a slight pink on his cheeks. Was he... blushing?

"Do you know that man?"

Feliciano could not lie to the boy, "Yes, he's my father."  
Silence... it was as if time itself had stopped outside of this clubhouse.

The blonde stared at him with such an intensity it was as if he were looking right through him. This went on for what seemed like an eternity. Then another wail of anguish sliced through the air, "Feliciano!"  
He winced as he heard his name being called by his father. The other boy seemed to sense his fear and got up, slowly walking over to him, his hand held out.  
Feliciano backed away from him subconsciously, his hands held close to his chest, he was shaking his head, "no". The other boy stopped, looking slightly hurt and confused. He still did not stop holding out his hand to Feliciano.

"I'm Roman.", the other boy said.

"Feliciano.", he whispered in reply as he took the other boy's hand.  
He was starting to trust him, but did not move anymore from the corner.

"This is where I paint things and sketch. It's a sort of inspiration, I guess. Do you like painting?", Feliciano guessed the small talk was an attempt to calm him down, and relaxed.

"Yes, I can paint very well. My grandfather used to paint with me quite often..."

"I'm not so good at painting.", the boy said modestly "But I want to practice and learn as much as I can."

"I have a brother who is named Romano, who also paints. He only paints tomatoes though.", he started to smile, though he had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He thought about his brother. What would happen to his dear brother if he did not return soon? The images passed through his head as he was struck by a horrible thought. He could not leave his brother.

Feliciano heard his father calling even more angrily now.

Roman looked at him with another intense gaze. His eyes soon softened but he looked concerned and distant in his own thoughts.  
"You can stay up here a while, if you want."

"N..No. I should go back before it gets worse. Thank-you.", Feliciano started down the ladder.

"Wait.", Roman grabbed his hand, mid-air, as it was reaching down for another hold.

"Come back tomorrow. We will paint together."

"Tomorrow...", he stared into the blonde boy's shining blue eyes, his mouth slightly ajar. Something about this boy, something about him regenerated hope in his broken soul. It was warming and frightening at the same time. This boy led back the wonder of existing, the importance of being.  
He smiled and let go of Roman's hand, and finished climbing down the ladder. Roman still looked out over to him from his kneeling position at the entrance of the clubhouse. Feliciano nodded in acknowledgement and waved to him as he walked away. Tomorrow... he had something to look forward too.

* * *

He walked slowly back through the alley way, the sunlight disappearing into the oblivion beyond his small town. How would he approach his father? He walked up to the large, sea-foam green house. He waited silently on the porch, fumbling with his thumbs. Lovino came out, a bruise under his left eye.

"Brother... I'm so sorry.", he said quietly.

"Feli.. I thought you were going to leave me. You stupid bastard... I thought you were leaving me!", he ran over to hug his younger brother.

"I couldn't ever leave you."

"You would be breaking your promise to mama."

"I know. But I came back, didn't I?"

"Feli... he's waiting for you inside. He'll only get angrier if you don't go now..", Lovino said, a sad look in his eyes.  
But he did not feel scared. He felt strong. He remembered the boy's shining golden hair and his deep, hypnotizing, intense, blue, eyes. He remembered his mother, and the promise he had made kneeling at her bedside, suddenly wondering if this was really what she had wanted for them.

"Wish me luck, brother.", he said as he smiled, holding on to the door frame and looking back at his older brother.

Lovino gasped... "Feliciano... you're.. smi.. why are you smiling?", he stammered. Feliciano had not smiled this way in a long, long time.

"Because for once, I will be disappointed if I die."

* * *

**I hope you like the story. Roman is HRE. I wasn't quite sure what to call him, since he does not have a human name. I figured that name would do since he's Shinsei Roma. I used Roman because it sounded less feminine. I thought it was really weird how all the people Feli cares for are named similarly though. I haven't really decided who his dad is yet either... Austria or someone else? His grandfather is obviously Roman Empire, but he's dead. Anyway thanks for reading. ~November**


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano slowly approached the living room door. It was strangely silent... Maybe his father was drunk and had passed out...?

"Feliciano... I've been waiting." No such luck.

"Well, come in.", his father said, barely suppressing his rage as he motioned for the boy to enter. He slowly entered the room and looked down at his feet. His father was sitting on a large rocking chair with his legs crossed, a belt in one hand. Behind him a fire cackled in the fireplace, illuminating the room with an eerie glow.  
"Tell me boy, where have you been? Surely you had heard me calling for you. There are no excuses."

"Papa... I was just-"

"SILENCE!", Feliciano flinched even though he had expected him to yell for some time now. "You should have taken your punishment before hand instead of running. I already know where you were going. Was it her grave? Were you running away?"

"No, I was-"

The burly man jumped to his feet, and slapped Feliciano hard across the face, re-opening the barely healed slash on his cheek from earlier, and sending him tumbling down to the floor."LIAR! How dare you even think of going. It's your fault she's dead!", he screamed, facing the fireplace, his hands bunched up into a fist.

His father suddenly turned to face him, the cold hatred in his eyes reflecting the bright red sparks the fire emitted from behind. "... She can't go anywhere, so neither can you.", he almost whispered, his tone chilling and unforgiving.

Feliciano started sobbing. He thought of his mother and anger exploded from him. His face scrunched up and tears of almost pure hatred cascaded from his darkened eyes. Picking himself up, the boy yelled,"MAYBE IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

His father whipped the belt across his back, causing him to hit the floor again. He choked up a bit of blood and laid still. "It could have been much easier, you know? Your mother would still be here and we would be happy like before."

"Even then we weren't happy.", Feliciano barely managed to mumble, his impact on the floor was so hard. Regardless, he was not scared to talk back today. He braced himself for the next hit, not even attempting to pick himself up. He knew that if he got hit too much more he'd surely be very near death, but he wanted to rebel. He had never spoken out like this before, and although he would suffer for it, it felt good. It felt good to see his father enraged like this, to hear the truth spoken aloud for once. Being put down and burdened with the blame of his mother's death was surely not what she had wanted for him or his brother.

His father's eyes opened wider and he looked slightly surprised, and even more anger pulsed through him as he raised the hand with the belt in it and striked Feliciano again. He then repeated to raise his hand but, before he could make contact Lovino ran in, pleading.

"STOP! He'll die!", He screamed, halting his father's actions for the moment.

"He deserves it!"

"Please don't! I'll take his punishment instead! Just please..."

Feliciano could barely protest as his brother readied himself for the oncoming torture. His chest was swelled up and bruised, an agonizing feeling coursed through him with each deep breath he took trying to calm himself down. He felt extremely tired. Each second that went by as he anticipated his brothers pain was uncomfortable, he felt as if he was underwater, nearly drowning. Luckily, his brother did not get hit as hard. Although his father beat him, Lovino was definitely on his father's good side. Still, Feliciano could barely stand to watch as his brother received more and more hits. Each whip-like sound that cracked through the air as it hit Lovino was another feeling of guilt for Feliciano. He closed his eyes and lie still until he heard his brother's muffled sobs cease and the sound of the belt halt. Lovino slowly got up from the corner where he was being assaulted, and crouched down over him. His father was about to pass out. Apparently, he had been drinking, and the little self control he had had been inhibited.

Lovino grasped his hand, and Feliciano managed to look up. His brother's face was puffy from tears.

"Lovi..no."

"You can barely speak! Why the hell did you say that to him!? You're so dumb...", Lovino held back a little from the usual insults, and helped Feliciano to his feet. He was in extreme pain. He wouldn't be surprised if he had a broken bone or two. His body ached and he had to move awkwardly towards their bedroom. It was a rather dark and small room. It only had one bed, so he shared with his brother. He slowly managed to creep under the covers next to Lovino.

"Lovino... don't you want... to hear truth?", he inquired, somewhat recovering.

"I know the truth. I don't need to hear it. YOU ENDANGERED YOURSELF AND I PAID FOR IT!...", he lashed out.

a long silence followed, before Lovino decided he had been a bit harsh.

"... But sometimes... I guess I do.", The older sibling said, turning so that he faced the wall, and his brother faced his back.

Feeling a bit relieved that Lovino wasn't as angry at him as he had originally thought, he let his exhaustion get to him, his breathing began to slow, and he soon drifted off.

* * *

Roman could barely sleep. There was too much excitement flowing through his veins as he anticipated his next meeting with Feliciano.

_"Feliciano...What a weird name... It's cute though, I like it."_, he said aloud.

Wait. Wasn't that a_ boy_ name? He was no expert, but that sure did sound like a boy name. He could've sworn that Feliciano was a girl... He decided not to focus on that and instead on what types of things they might draw, or what kind of techniques he could learn, but most importantly he wondered about that strange feeling he got around Feliciano. A feeling that had the warmth of a fire and the intensity of a snow storm that clouded his head. He didn't know whether to like it, or be afraid. But a midst that confusion, he did understand one thing that he felt: longing.

He got up from his plush bed, and slipped into the slippers waiting on the floor underneath it. Walking down the dark hallway that was only illuminated by a bit of moonlight seeping from a sky light that was positioned above the stairs, he wondered what Feliciano's life was like. It was a clear night, judging from the stars he saw over head as he moved slowly down the stairs, into the kitchen. Mother wasn't here... It wasn't surprising. Maybe she was out partying again, or had passed out somewhere from drinking to much. She was a good person, but her partying habits won when it came to either partying or being with her son.

He sighed as he grabbed a cup and turned on the faucet. Occasionally his neighbor, the 16 year old Gilbert, would keep him company on nights like this, though Gilbert claimed he only did it because he was "too awesome" to leave a child alone. Roman was probably more mature than Gilbert ever was. Gilbert was an emancipated minor, who loved to fight, drink, and party, while Roman was a lonely kid, who left with his father's fortune, took care of himself and his mother (after she got home from either working over-time or partying). Even so, Roman still got along well with Gilbert and his mother.

Taking a sip from the glass of water, Roman sat down on a stool and looked outside to see a car pull up and drop his mom off outside. He watched as she stumbled to the door, looking for her keys. He got up from his seat, so slowly that it looked as if he were in pain, and walked to the door to unlock it for her.

When he opened it, his mother dropped to the ground.

"Rom..ahnn.", her speech was slurred, and she was sobbing, pitifully, at his feet.

"Sit up, and I'll get you some water.", he said, in a bland tone that was almost cold.

She sat up and closed the door behind her, leaning against it for support.

Roman walked back into the room with a glass of water he had promised.

She chuckled a little bit, "You're such a guhd boy, laik your papa... Yuh must be lonely."

A tear swelled up in his eye, but he held it in. "You should rest", he said as he helped her up and pretty much dragged her over to the couch in the living room. He sat with her for a moment, before going back upstairs to sleep.

* * *

**Sorry for this coming out so late, I was just extremely lazy and not motivated at all... But thanks for the support. The first few chapters are just gonna be about HRE and Italy, then we'll get Germany in there and stuff. Thanks soooo much for the reviews as well! ~November**


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